Fiction post - You in the Mirror

I've been working on this story just about every spare moment I've had for the past two or three weeks. Sadly, it hasn't been enough for me to actually finish it. I like how it's coming, though, and I'm eager to wrap it up, because I'm finally getting to a point at which I can have the characters interact for a long-ish, (hopefully) engaging scene. So far the prose is exposition-heavy with very little dialogue (VERY out of the ordinary for me), and has a lot of musing by the narrator (VERY typical for me.)

Once it's finished I'll edit this post and make a new one linking to it. I'd love to hear what you think so far, though.

EDIT: 03/02/06: Done! I'll separate the LJ-cut into two parts, so if you've read Part I you can just skip straight to Part II.

I would really appreciate some feedback on this one. I'm really happy with it for a first draft, but I need to know whether or not people other than me are following this. I think I'm going to sit on it for a bit (maybe until after exams) and then see if I can improve it, weave in some threads of ideas that I vaguely mention in this round but wanted to go into more detail with, if possible.

Oh, and the rating on this has gone up since I last posted it. It now contains at least a mildly/moderately erotic scene. No sex, though. Just as an FYI. I doubt it would even trip many text scanners.

I'm also changing the title. Was "Little Girl Who Wasn't".


( You in the Mirror - short story, 4,700 words, first draft - Part I )

( Part II )