wordwhacker

[EDIT: January 11, 2007 - My main issue with this one is the "so, what?" factor, and the overly simplistic ending. I think there's a nugget of a fun relationship here, but I'm not sure how well this fragment of a story explores that. As with a lot of my work, I feel that there's an uncomfortable balance here between being "concise" and "simplistic". I want to get deeper than what a story of this length allows me.]

I don't really have a title for this one - it was written as a response to a prompt in

crimsonata to write a story involving a diamond. (Yes, I came up with that prompt. Shut up.) So for now it's called "Diamonds". Original, I know. If I do anything else with it, maybe I'll come up with a better title.

As is usual for me, this story is contained within a single dialogue-heavy "scene". It feels a little thin right now, but I wanted to keep it short. Ideas on how/where to expand on it would be appreciated, as well as any feedback at all (as always).

Diamonds (Vignette, 800 words)

The night was like a wet blanket weighing on her shoulders. Betty shrugged it off and folded her arms, wishing she hadn't stormed out without her coat. There was nothing to be done for it now, of course - the timing had been right. She'd said what she'd needed to.

Now she was waiting, though whether it was for Chris to come after her or her nerves to calm down she wasn't sure. At times like this she wished she still smoked; at least she'd have something to do with her hands. Betty shifted her weight, gritted her teeth, and tried not to jump when the door cracked open beside her.

He paused for a second before he stepped out onto the moist pavement. Betty didn't turn to look at him, though his movements were familiar in the corner of her eye. One of his hands was stuffed into a trouser pocket, the other bracing the open door. He glanced back inside before letting it swing shut with a thump.

Betty waited.

Chris cleared his throat. "That was really embarrassing, you know."

She nodded.

"For me, I mean."

"I know." I'm sorry.

"You think maybe you could've not made a scene here?"

Betty sighed. "You brought it up here, hon." The words came out softer than she'd imagined them.

"Yeah, well..."

She turned to look at him. He was staring ahead, his face taut. Betty knew that look. That look was late nights in front of a music stand, or straining to hear the bass line of a beat up '45. That look was searching for something.

"I thought it was rings you didn't wear," he said, fishing in his pocket.

"Diamonds." She hoped the fog would hide the flush in her cheeks.

"Yeah, well, diamonds... rings... all the same to me." He pulled out the necklace, rolling the tiny pendant between his fingers. "Too bad. It's a nice little thing."

Too bad I won't be wearing it. "Where did you get it?"

He shrugged. "Shit, I don't know. That place at the Eaton centre."

"There's more than one place at the Eaton centre."

"What's the difference anyway?"

"Can you take it back?"

Chris was quiet for a minute. "Yeah. I can take it back. I don't know what the hell good it'll do. If anyone in Africa or wherever is gonna die for it, it's already been done."

"It's the principle of the thing."

"Well the principle of the thing just made me look like a fucking idiot in the middle of Chevy's Bar and Grill, thanks." He sighed. "I am an idiot."

"Chris, I'm sorry." Somehow it was easier to apologize to Chris once he'd started throwing insults at himself. "It was... you're sweet. I just..."

"It's okay." He waved her off, stuffing the necklace back into his pocket. "I let my temper creep up on me."

For a minute Betty didn't say anything. She wanted to tell him it was all right, that she'd take it anyway like any normal girl would. But every time she wore it she'd wonder; had anyone died for this overpriced trinket? How could she accept it as a gift of love?

"So what can a guy buy a lady these days?"

Betty glanced over at him. He was still wearing that expression, that searching look. "You don't have to buy me anything, hon. Except maybe dinner."

He shook his head. "Nah. It's customary."

"Customary?" She couldn't help but smile. "When did you start caring about customary?"

Chris shrugged and scuffed a foot on the ground. "Dunno. Maybe around the same time I started wondering about how to ask a girl to marry me."

She blinked. "What?"

"Do you want me to just repeat myself?" He turned to look at her, the hint of a smile in his eyes. "Or would you rather I rephrase it a little?"

"Oh, Chris - " she started, but she didn't bother to finish. She bridged the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him, not sure whether to laugh or to cry.

Chris had apparently chosen to laugh, and Betty couldn't have been more thankful for that sound, that feeling. She laughed too, though tears still came to her eyes. The necklace, the fight, everything came back to her in a wash of memories, and it was all she could do to keep from crying her eyes out.

But she couldn't make this about her. Chris was the one who'd been waiting all this time...

"Chris, I'm so sorry."

"Don't say you're sorry, you crazy vegan hippie," he said, pulling back to look at her. "Say yes."

Betty couldn't imagine saying anything else.